The first time?

I'm sitting here in my pink bikini panties wondering if i have the nerve to tell you about my first sexual experience with another person. I can tell you that it wasn't until i was 21 years old. I can tell you that she was beautiful, imperious, smart and sexy. I was under her spell for four years! She was never intentionally dominant, but it was easy to see that i was enthralled by her from the beginning.

I know she cared about me. She watched out for me, she was the ringleader, she was my protector, she was my downfall, she was magnificent. It 's weird that i can't remember how we met. She was a mean drunk. I followed her around like a puppy.

I think she trained me, all unknowing, in how to be her servant. She asked, i provided. She decided, i followed. She never knew that i was her slave. She never knew that i wore panties in the laundry room. I never played with any of her panties, it would have seemed like sacrilege. I also didn't want to give her that kind of ammunition.

We had sex once. At least she did, i tried. Hard. She thought that i had climaxed, we used protection. I thought at the time that it was just performance anxiety. After all, i had been a solo performer for about 7 years. As i write this, i wonder if perhaps there was a deeper meaning. She was on a solid gold pedastal of my creation. Finalizing that act with her would have tarnished her in my eyes. It may very well be that i wasn't able to do that to my mistress.

Of course, at the time, i had no idea that there was such a thing as a mistress. I didn't discover that until i discovered the internet. I didn't know that there were such things as sissies or mistresses, or anything like that. When i found them on the internet, many things came into focus.

I'm not sure i portrayed our relationship with anything resembling reality, it's merely a remembered time of my life, filtered through years of experiences, epiphanies, and a few mind altering substances!

Not light reading but part of the creation of a sissy anyway. That was the almost sex. I ended my last post with a qestion and i'll ask it again.
Is it really sex if i didn't cum?

Maybe tomorrow i'll tell you about one of my earliest fantasies, it's really weird!